


A lively Sunday afternoon

by jia_kameda



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Dark, Depressing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 01:43:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16295900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jia_kameda/pseuds/jia_kameda
Summary: Tsukishima had wanted to tell Yamaguchi how much he meant to him...





	A lively Sunday afternoon

It was a lively Sunday afternoon. Tsukishima Kei and Yamaguchi Tadashi were sitting in a café somewhere in Shibuya, drinking tea and eating cake. They had not met each other for a week, as both of them were working adults now. Tsukishima had started as an assistant in a small company selling high quality furniture and was busy every day with mundane tasks that were well below his abilities, but had to be done. Yamaguchi on the other hand was very pleased with his job in a fashion magazine. Every day was busy as he met a lot of people and everyone was usually very friendly. Half a year ago, Tsukishima had almost laughed when his friend had told him that he had gone to an interview for a fashion magazine, but having seen Yamaguchi’s serious face, he had only shrugged and said: “If you think that is a place you want to work at, then I’m supporting you.” Yamaguchi’s eyes had sparkled like Tsukishima had never seen them sparkle before – well not exactly, there had been one time, when Yamaguchi had confessed to him and Tsukishima had kissed him as an answer. 

Tsukishima was rather fond of that memory. He had known that Yamaguchi could be very brave at times. People usually didn’t think he was and underestimated him a lot, but in actual fact, Yamaguchi was much more than met the eyes. Once, when they had been children and talking about books, that had been before Tsukishima had retreated into his shell after his brother had so betrayed him, he had told Yamaguchi that he would definitely be sorted into Gryffindor, if Hogwarts would exist. Yamaguchi had blushed and told Tsukishima that he did not think so, but was grateful for the boost of confidence. Now Yamaguchi actually owned some Gryffindor merchandize. 

“So, how was your week?” Yamaguchi asked. “As bad as the last?” 

“No, but still not good.” Tsukishima shrugged. “Maybe I should try out for another company, though I don’t really want to go through newbie training. “ 

Yamaguchi sighed. “I’m sorry to hear. But maybe it will get better soon?”

“I don’t think so.” Tsukishima took a bite from his strawberry short cake. 

“Should I cheer you up then?”

Tsukishima smirked. “What are you thinking of?”

“Probably not something as dirty as you, but I don’t mind changing plans.” 

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow and snickered. “I’m a horrible influence on you.” 

Yamaguchi laughed. “Don’t say that! I rather think I had a good influence on you.” He smiled. 

The blond man felt happy. Seeing his lover like that soothed his soul. “Then let’s go somewhere after we are finished here.” 

“Yes.” Yamaguchi sounded over enthusiastic, but Tsukishima really didn’t mind.   
Half an hour later they stepped out of the café and walked down the street. The sun was lower than either of the man had expected it to be, but it was still pleasant outside. The neon lights of different shops were already lit, but not many. The air was not yet so hot, although the rainy season was approaching and temperatures were on the rise. 

The two men chatted but nothing of importance came to their mind. Yamaguchi was filling the silence between them while Tsukishima just answered to keep his lover talking. He liked hearing Yamaguchi talk. He was always so cheerful, so happy when they were together. For a split second the thought of kissing his lover here and now crossed Tsukishima’s mind. He brushed it aside. 

They had stopped walking, as they wanted to cross the street. Tsukishima took his eyes off of Yamaguchi for a moment to glance to the other side of the street, checking the light, which changed to green. He started walking; registering that Yamaguchi noticed the change in the traffic light a little later. So his lover was walking two steps behind him. Two steps that cost Tsukishima everything he held dear. 

The light changed to red again quicker than anyone would have expected. The two men started to hurry but the cars approached. One of them was faster than it should have been. The driver did not realize that Yamaguchi was still on the crossing and hit him directly. 

Tsukishima heard the impact. 

He turned around and rushed to his lover’s side in a trance. Yamaguchi lay in front of the car. The driver got out and everything got hazy in Tsukishima’s memory.

He did not know who called the ambulance. He did not know when they arrived and who talked to him. He only remembered holding Yamaguchi’s hand and telling him to hold on. His face had felt damp, but he did not remember if it had started raining. 

He remembered being led to a police car and being driven to the hospital where Yamaguchi was taken. His pulse was high, his heart raced and he did not know what to do. 

Yamaguchi fought, like the brave young man he was, but he seemed incapable of winning. He fell into a coma and didn’t wake up. He had hit his head, the doctors would later say, which had caused a bleeding. This had led to increased pressure on the brain, which in turn had led to him falling into a coma. The doctors said, that they were not sure if Yamaguchi Tadashi would ever be the same again, if he woke from his sleep after the pressure would be reduced. 

Yamaguchi’s mother had come down to Tokyo the day after the accident and stayed until the doctors consented to have Yamaguchi transferred to a specialized hospital in Sendai. That was still a long way off from where Yamaguchi’s family lived, but closer than Tokyo.  
Tsukishima kept Yamaguchi’s mother company, not able to go to work he called in sick.

Two days later he forced himself to go to Yamaguchi’s work place. He had only ever seen the building from the outside when he had dropped his lover off there by car a month or so before. He took a deep breath as he walked through the sliding door and towards the lift. He pressed the button for the 12th floor. 

The lift was quick to move, but smooth and there was no music. Awkward silence stretched between Tsukishima and the other people who rode with him. 

When the lift finally reached the 12th floor, Tsukishima hesitated for a split second. But he knew, he had to get off and talk to Yamaguchi’s superior. He had to get things settled for his lover. He had to make sure that Yamaguchi would still have a job when he came back to life. 

So he stepped out of the lift onto the carpet clad floor and walked down the hallway to the glass door which was labelled “Editing: CamCan & Salty”. Behind the door he could see a small desk and some chairs, evidently the reception area of the editing department.   
Tsukishima straightened his back, looking even taller than he already was and opened the door. A young women, about Tsukishima’s own age or younger, sat behind the desk and looked up from her computer. She seemed bored, but smiled at him while asking what he wanted. 

“I am here to see Yamanagishita Tomomi from CamCan,” the blond said after greeting the receptionist. 

She checked something on her computer, picket up the phone and after less than a minute hung up again. “Please have a seat, I will check if Yamanagishita-san is available.” While Tsukishima sat down, the young woman got up and left her workspace. 

Tsukishima looked around. It was a clean reception area, but there was little to actually see. There was one painting on the wall behind the reception desk, all other walls were white and without decoration. There were, except for the computer and a telephone, a small calendar and a potted plant on the reception desk. The chairs for the guests were yellow; the receptionist’s was black. There was a grey carpet on the floor, the same that was on the floor in the hallway. The door to the editorial department was to the left of the reception desk; it was white like the wall and hardly distinguishable from it, except for the handle. 

It took five minutes until the young woman came back. A young man, slightly older than Yamaguchi followed her. 

“This is Satoh-san, he will help you.” She introduced with little ceremony and sat back down behind her desk.

Tsukishima had gotten up and introduced himself to this Satoh. “Tsukishima Kei, I am here on behalf of your colleague Yamaguchi Tadashi.” He bowed a little and handed Satoh a business card. 

Satoh took it with both hands, looked at it for a moment before he pocketed it and took out his own. “Satoh Tarou pleased to meet you. I am an assistant to Yamanagishita-san and Yamaguchi-kun’s boss. Please follow me, Yamanagishita-san will soon have time to see you.” 

He led him through the door, past some cubicles to another door behind which was a small meeting room. There were three desks and six chairs. Satoh told Tsukishima to sit down and so he did. Then Satoh asked if he wanted tea and left to get him a cup. 

Tsukishima was once more alone. The room did not provide him with much to occupy his head with and so he thought of Yamaguchi who lay lifeless in the hospital bed and was being prepared for his transfer to Sendai. 

Maybe he should move back to Sendai. He thought. He would not be happy if he could only go and see Yamaguchi on weekends. He needed to be there when he woke up again. Yamaguchi would be frightened, waking up in a bed he did not know, in a room he had never seen. He needed to be there for him. 

The door opened again and Satoh was back with a tray on which he balanced a white tea can full of green tea and three small cups. He sat the tray down on the table and poured Tsukishima a cup and then one for himself. 

They sat in silence. Satoh apparently did not know what to say and Tsukishima did not care to say anything. They sipped their tea. 

It didn’t have much taste. Like life since the accident. How could it be only the middle of the week? It seemed like an eternity since he had last heard Yamaguchi speak, since he had last seen him smile, since he had thought of kissing him… Oh he should not have cared; he should just have done it. 

His stomach clenched in regret. 

The door opened once more and a woman in her fifties entered the room. She was short, but seemed tall, probably due to her uncommonly straight back and how she held her head tall. Her facial expression was somewhat grave, she did not smile, but didn’t seem unfriendly. “Thank you for coming, Tsukishima-san”, she greeted and introduced herself with a business card before taking a seat and a sip from the tea her subordinate had poured for her. “How is Yamaguchi-kun?” 

“Not well, I’m afraid. But thank you for asking.” Tsukishima answered. “Yamaguchi-san has been in a coma ever since Sunday. He will be transferred to Sendai tonight so that he can be closer to his family.” Yamanagishita-san nodded. “I am here on behalf of Yamaguchi-san’s family and of course Yamaguchi-san himself to get the things he might have left at his desk and to talk to you about what will happen when he wakes up and is well again. His family understands that the company cannot wait indefinitely for him to get back to work, however, it would be a great relieve to his parents if they would know that when he wakes up he still has a job. You must understand how difficult it can be to find work in this day and age if one hasn’t worked for a while – what ever the reason might be.” 

Yamanagishita-san nodded again, but her face had hardened. 

Tsukishima felt, that it would probably be wisest to leave this issue to the Yamaguchi’s lawyer. Which was exactly what his lover’s boss told him a minute later. She would hand over all personal items of Yamaguchi Tadashi, but would not have anything to do with his employment status. Tsukishima accepted this, not having any other option and followed her to Yamaguchi’s desk. It was not in a cubicle but in a large room where all the desks were adjacent to one another, so that people could see their co-workers and observe if they were in fact working or not. 

Upon entering the room, Tsukishima wondered just how many employees the two magazines that shared this department had. 

It was busy in the room, but people instantly stopped working when the door was opened. No one said anything, but Tsukishima felt their stares as the three of them made their way to Yamaguchi’s desk. There was a stack of get-well-cards and some flowers and his personal items neatly arranged in a lid-less box that was put into a paper bag so that Tsukishima could carry it better. He was relieved that he didn’t have to go through the desk and all the things and just picked the bag up. “Thank you” he said, willing himself not to choke, but unable to say anything more. He could not think of anything else to say. This was just horrible. Yamaguchi would not come back here for a while and everything would go back to normal for his company in a day or two, especially now that his desk was empty and could be filled again. People would forget him, even though he was still with them. 

The blond bowed and left as soon as he could. 

*

Time dragged on slowly. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months and suddenly half a year had passed in which Tsukishima had taken a train every Friday late at night and had gone up to Sendai to stay over at his parent’s place to spend the entirety of his Saturday in the hospital. He couldn’t stay next to Yamaguchi’s bed all the time, as there were such things as visiting hours and regulations as to how long every visitor could stay. But even staying in the hallway in front of the room in which Yamaguchi was kept was better than staying in his own flat in Tokyo. 

Every time Tsukishima saw the small, brown haired man, he looked smaller in the white hospital bed of the intensive care wing. His arms were punctuated with tubes. A couple of machines were next to his bed making regular noises. One monitored his breath, one checked his pulse, another observed any brain activity. There was an IV-drip and a plastic bag collecting the faeces. 

Tsukishima spent what felt like hours watching Yamaguchi do nothing but sleep. He listened to the noises in the room and wondered if he was the only person visiting a patient in intensive care, he never seemed to meet anyone except for the nurses on that ward. 

Half a year. Tsukishima sighed. He had done nothing since. He had only missed his time with Tadashi. He had missed his smiles, his laughs, his kisses; but also him being angry and teasing and basically just being alive. Of course Tadashi was still alive, he was right there in that hospital bed breathing, being washed and combed by a nurse, silently sleeping like the beauty in the fairy tale.   
It had taken half a year before Tsukishima had been able to think of his own life again. Travelling back and forth to Sendai every weekend was but a half-life. He spent too much time on trains, wasting money and energy on travelling back and forth. 

He had known from the start that he was unhappy. He had told Tadashi that he was unhappy right then on that lively Sunday afternoon and so it was time to do something – that something being giving up his employment and moving back home. He did not have a family business he could take over, but his father had helped him get in touch with a family friend who would employ him. 

His new company was not far from Tadashi’s hospital, as would his new apartment be. 

When it was decided that he would move back home, Yamaguchi-san, Tadashi’s mother got in touch with him. It was an awkward phone conversation. As much as they shared their grief and Yamaguchi-san was happy that her Tadashi had such a loving boyfriend, she had never really warmed to the idea that her only son had been homosexual and so whenever they talked, it was somehow weird. 

That one phone call was even weirder. Having heard that Tsukishima was giving up his life in Tokyo and coming back home, she had thought that it was about time to terminate the lease on her son’s flat in Tokyo as well. They weren’t an affluent family and none of the other members were interested in moving to that flat, so they wanted to give it up. However, it was difficult to find time to go down there and handle everything, that was the cleaning and throwing away of the things Tadashi didn’t need anymore. So the family had wondered if Tsukishima would do that for them. 

Not wanting to be rude, though thinking that it was a bit much to handle for one person, Tsukishima agreed under the condition that he could bring all of Tadashi’s things to his place and that Tadashi would move in with him when he recovered. The mother agreed reluctantly. 

So it was again a Sunday, the outside world was like it always was, but to Tsukishima it seemed less lively even though he had asked Kuroo-san to help him clean out Tadashi’s flat. 

Kuroo-san was in his usual high spirits, though he had tuned them down to suit Tsukishima’s melancholy. Kenma, who had been dragged along, was mostly silent – much to Tsukishima’s appreciation. 

They cleaned the room, sorting through things, deciding what could still be used and what not. Tsukishima had decided that most of the kitchenware could be tossed, as he did not need that many plates and that much cutlery. However, he did save one rather plain looking coffee mug. It was Tadashi’s favourite, despite it being just brick red with no decoration to speak of. 

Tsukishima also let Kuroo-san take away all the furniture. There wasn’t much to begin with, but even that little amount Tsukishima did not need. He would cram Tadashi’s clothes in somewhere with his and his favourite books and the small collection of Gryffindor merchandize would be neatly tucked away in a box under his bed. He would throw away some of his own things to make space for the photo albums Tadashi had kept and that was all he would be able to take and Tadashi would need. There was no meaning in keeping the bed sheets or the bathroom rug or toothpaste and shampoo. 

Working together with Kuroo-san and Kenma was a silent business. While Kenma had been un-talkative from the start, Kuroo-san had given up after about an hour to strike up some kind of conversation. Tsukishima just wasn’t in the mood to say something. He hardly ever was these days, except for when he was in the hospital room. He talked a lot to Tadashi. The blond begged for forgiveness. He asked his lover to wake up. He beseeched him to just come back. 

Tsukishima knew that if people saw him there, they would not believe it was him at first, knowing him to be a rather stoic person. 

Kuroo had rented a van for the day and drove off to the dumpster a couple of times to throw away all the things Tsukishima did not or could not keep for Yamaguchi. It broke the black haired man’s heart to see his – he would call him – friend even more withdrawn than he had been before. Thanks to Yamaguchi Tsukishima had ventured out and seemed livelier after having graduated from high school, but now he seemed worse than when Kuroo had first met him. 

Tsukishima had just completely shut himself off of every interaction with the world that wasn’t strictly necessary - probably in fear of betraying his lover in some way. Kuroo could understand to some extent that it must be difficult for the blond to acknowledge that he was indeed allowed to live while the person who was most important to him could not. However, Kuroo thought, that there was a limit to how much someone should be allowed to withdraw. But there had been little the black haired man could do to coax Tsukishima out of his shell again and now that he was moving up north there would be even less opportunity. 

They finished up cleaning the room in two days and then Tsukishima drove off to Sendai with what was left of Tadashi’s things. The drive up was longer than he had expected, probably because he was alone. 

Sitting in the car, staring outside of the window while focussing on the right road to take, the blond haired man imagined how it would have been if Tadashi would have been sitting right next to him. The freckled man would have smiled and made conversation, that much he was sure of. 

Tadashi would have been in high spirits, painting verbal pictures of how their lives in Sendai would be like. How happy they would be now that they could finally live together.   
“You know, Tsukki, in high school, when I confessed, I would never have thought that we get this far.” A smile would have been on his face. 

Tsukishima would have smirked and said: “I did.”

Tadashi’s eyes would have blown up until they had the size of small saucers and he would probably have blushed. “You… you thought…?”

“That far ahead?” Tsukishima would have snorted and then smiled. “Yes, because I knew that there was only you for me, that is, if you would ever want me.” He had never confessed those feelings and now he wished he had. Tadashi did not know how much he was loved because Tsukishima had never felt like it was right to say those words out loud. He regretted having kept those thoughts to himself. 

*

When he stopped the car on one of the motorway services to take a short break, his phone started ringing. 

Tsukishima wearily took a glance and froze. The called ID was “Yamaguchi (Mother)”. Too lazy to remember the names of all of Tadashi’s relatives he had just saved them with their last name and the relationship they had with his lover. So the mother was labelled “mother” and the father – who had never called him so far – was “father” and so forth. Not that he had many Yamaguchi’s in his contacts. 

The bespectacled man took a deep breath, stepped out of the car and picked up. 

They didn’t make it through the greetings before Tsukishima was sure of what Yamaguchi’s mother had called for. She didn’t have to spell it out, though she did – which Tsukishima thought was cruel but somehow very considerate – that her son, his lover, his Tadashi was no more. 

One of the tubes that had stuck in his arm had become infected. Tadashi had fought bravely, they said. He was a Gryffindor after all, Tsukishima added in his thoughts and shook his head about the absurdity. But his body had been too weak and the family – most probably some relative without a heart, was what the blond thought bitterly – had decided that it was about time to let Tadashi go. They had decided to end all treatment and let the infection win. 

Tsukishima thanked her for the kindness of telling him and asked the details of the funeral, to which she answered that they had yet to speak to the priests and that she would inform him. Then she hung up and the tall blond just stood there on the parking lot. 

His head was spinning. 

His lover was gone.

But tears would not come. 

He had to leave, the thought crossed Tsukishima’s mind. It was time to. 

And so it was. He got back into the car without having eaten the food he had bought at the small shop, without having had a sip of the coffee he had purchased from the vending machine and started the engine. 

He left the motorway service, but he never made it back to Sendai. 

Maybe it was for the best, as Yamaguchi’s mother never bothered to send him the details of the funeral. 

Maybe it was for the best, as Tsukishima’s life had been empty without Yamaguchi and he had never intended to fill the gap left behind by his lover. 

Maybe it was a waste, but that were only his family’s thoughts. Kei did not think anymore, like he had not thought of anything when he had put his foot on the gas and had not turned the steering wheel when the road next bend to the right. 

It all ended quicker for Kei than Tadashi. 

But it did not matter.


End file.
